i kind of love it. i kind of hate it.
cause what it really does - is remind you of all the decisions that you made that got you to where you are right now. ...while at the same time showing you the decisions everyone else has made to get them to where they are.i'm not talking about the friends you see every day or every week at the bar..the friends you met at your current place in life. im talking about the friends you haven't seen in years...since highschool..since college...maybe even before.
it's so different... i mean you are all the same age and share so many of those early ..growing up/ learning from experiences...but your lives are so different now. right now , im not sure if im jealous of some of those lives or not. im torn. i mean ..sure it would be nice right now if i were getting ready to put my kids to bed and talk about my day and what the kids did with my husband...but at the same time that kind of scares the fuck out of me. cause its a wednesday night...i've been home from work for a few hours ..and drank a bottle of wine and made a bunch of new amazing playlists for my ipod... texted with a few people...and if i felt like spending money..id probably go over to hollywood and play some trivia...wake up tomorrow and hate work all day. that doesn't scare me. that's kind what i know. i mean sure , i got spoiled for awhile ... not working until 11am ish and granted it was until whatever time...but at the same time... i got to talk antiques with mike ness...and laugh at ashlee simpson's vocal lessons... have a hug out contest with gavin degraw...i realize i just name dropped a lot...but it never really affected me at all. i mean it was all kind of whatever..just another day...(alright- the mike ness thing made me stop breathing for a second...but its mike ness...c'mon now-he has written some of the best songs ever in the history of life...) does that make me jaded - i don't know. i guess i kind of am. i mean people are just people...and what you see and hear isn't always what's real. and i guess that's mostly my problem. what's that whole thing about what's good for one person isn't always good for the next...or one man's garbage is another's treasure...geese and ganders and all that...i guess i really just want the best of both worlds...i guess my self pitying tonight is about the fact that i've never been offered both worlds... at least not in the sense that i want to be...at least not in sense that it's ever been real enough to make it happen.
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